Sunday, July 2, 2017

Relationship Destroyers, Part 9 - Medicine Cabinets


Medicine Cabinets Are 'Relationship Destroyers'!!!

It's a well-known fact that people like to snoop through bathroom medicine cabinets.  In fact, it is said that more than 50% of people who visit your home will really take a peek inside your medicine cabinet.  Many folks have advised that it's a wise move to take a peek into someone's medicine cabinet before you decide to get serious.

           The medicine cabinet tells volumes about a person who may not be sharing that important information with you! You'll see if you know their legal name, the kind of medications with the dates will suggest what health issues, both mental and physical are being medicated. This is such a phenomenon, that websites show slides and videos to give you voyeuristic peeks into a plethora of medicine cabinets. Everything from sex lube, poppers, prophylactics (if size matters to you - lol) denture cream and hemorrhoid suppositories to Prozac, Seconal, Oxycodone, and Viagra! Hell, you might get lucky to discover your prospective date or mate may have forgotten their stash of recreational drugs is in the bathroom, or maybe a sex toy! You might get a hint about their sexual practices, but of course, communication is necessary. There is a bundle of evidence to be discovered 'behind those closed doors'.

           You'll be much more informed from A to Z from the dirty little secrets hidden away in a person's medicine cabinet. The medicine cabinet is your best guide and confidential snitch to who you are befriending or who you have in your sights for a romantic partner. Better to be safe than sorry. When in doubt, check the medicine cabinet! Follow up with questions at another time. Be discreet. Loose lips sink ships.

Remember: "You are the company you keep."

P.S. Radio Stations! Yes, radio stations. Another minor tell-tale about a person is their 'radio station selection'.  Ever think about that? Notice what selection of music is close to the person's heart.  Music can give hints about background, culture, diversity and sometimes age if that's a concern of yours.  Check it out.  It can't hurt.

Yours Truly, Dr. Charlayne Grenci Website:

Dr. Charlayne Grenci’s latest book: BEHIND CLOSED DOORS
available as eBook in print 

Author page on Amazon:

SECRET CINEMAS: 10 Erotic Movie Fantasies by Charlayne Grenci Ph.D.

Don’t miss to join author Charlayne Grenci Ph.D. at her Facebook site:



Dependency - Unrealistic Expectations - Part 8

Relationship Destroyers – Part Eight

Relationship Destroyers – About Intimate and/or Sexual Relationships:

     Expectations, unrealistic expectations are a major relationship destroyer.  No matter how you look at it, no matter which half of the relationship you stand for, expectations are a killer.

This section could be a separate book in and of itself because it’s complex. complicated and sensitive material yet at the same time, if you look at the dynamics of ‘expectations’ through clear, unbiased, objective eyes, it’s not difficult to understand. I will explain it as I see it.

This blog will only deal with one aspect of it, and it’s getting clinical, but we’re all adults here, so you can handle this.

If the truth were told in equitable terms, we all have certain expectations of the person we share a relationship with. We expect this, we expect that – we wait for this, we imagine that and all of these expectations serve to fulfill our needs and desires or to compensate for what we feel we lack and deserve. Some fair, reasonable and appropriate depending on the situations at hand. Effectively or should I say

Some expectations are normal, fair, reasonable and appropriate depending on the situations at hand. Effectively or should I say Consequently, our personal expectations are commonly driven by our boundaries, beliefs, security status and sometimes an overall dependency.  This is where it gets tricky and interesting for some of us or sticky and horrific for others.  You say, what gets tricky and sticky?  Now, I’m going to take this discussion up a notch or two.

    Let’s talk about ‘unrealistic expectations’.
You knew that was coming and I hate to be the messenger of bad news, as they say, but here it is. Put your hip high latex boots on, okay, or rubber goulashes, and let’s begin to wade deeply into the mire of unrealistic expectations and why they are.

Example #1 
Let’s suppose Mary has a 9-5 professional job with a busy accounting firm. She leaves for work at 8:30 AM every morning and gets home around 5:30 PM if there are no errands, or stops to make on her way home. John worked as a computer tech so his job took him out on the road about town. They have been married less than a year with no children, yet. The couple has breakfast together most mornings unless Mary has to prepare something for work, and skips breakfast to get to work on time. After dating for several months, they decided to marry, their professions were in place and each one of them knew what type of schedule and demands came with their professions. John usually called Mary during her lunch hour, or Mary called him. Occasionally John text Mary. All was well at first.

After a few weeks into the marriage, John lost his job and ended up with a career of ‘looking for a job’, so his time was his own. John didn’t have a boss, no time clock, no daily structure, no hobbies, so he had a lot of time on his hands in between submitting applications for jobs over the Internet, or occasionally applying for jobs in person.  John became bored, lonely, frustrated and irritable.  He started calling Mary at work more often and wanted to know what she was doing and who she was with.  He began texting her several times a day and received a reply from Mary only when she was able to respond during her busy workload. When Mary arrived home in the evening, John started interrogating her about her day’s work, or if she was later than expected, why she was late getting home? Question: Do you see something wrong with this scenario? Of course, you do… if you don’t, you should. This is describing a major relationship issue.

We all have heard the saying: ‘Idle hands are the devil’s workshop’.
No truer words have been spoken. John was home alone every day while Mary was at work, but all John had to keep him occupied was the television, his computer, and his cell phone. He started getting more insecure without a job and started imagining Mary cheating on him. He became obsessed with calls and texts to Mary while she was at work. The longer this went on, the more paranoid and insecure he became which made him more suspicious and distrustful of Mary.

John’s psyche change from a proud, secure husband to a husband who was angry and short-tempered. His behavior appeared to shift from jovial, good-natured and fun-loving, to nasty, unreasonable… to irrational.  In short of time, John started calling Mary at work in the late afternoon to bitch and complain that he hadn’t heard from her. He was enraged, disrespectful and offensive on the phone, telling her she didn’t love him, respect him or care about his feelings because she didn’t call him, answer all his calls or reply to his barrage of texts. His continued and escalating, bad behavior upset Mary tremendously and it immediately started affecting her work. She loved him, but their relationship had become unhealthy and detrimental to her profession and job status.

Mary explained to John and tried to reason with him on several occasions that he was the one being disrespectful and insensitive to her, her job and it was fragmenting their relationship, but he insisted it was her fault and her responsibility to respect his feelings if she loved him.

This relationship was in a stalemate, a deadlock. John has probably been co-dependent most of his life, but since this couple was married after a brief dating period, the extent of his dependency wasn’t noticed by Mary immediately, especially because he held a job in the beginning.

Why did this happen? Who was right? What was the reason for John’s unrealistic expectations of Mary? This is only one example of where I see unrealistic expectations: John’s behavior was displaying an ‘unhealthy dependency’ in his relationship with Mary. He needed to have constant and close communication with her. For readers who are interested in a detailed definition, read below at Wikipedia.

This is just one perspective, my perspective of why it’s difficult to main a successful relationship and how the emotions involving “dependency” can be relationship destroyer. I welcome your opinions.  (to be continued in Part 9)

Wikipedia: Understanding Dependency (I edited it for this blog article)

"It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with co-dependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive."

Emotional dependency is when a woman allows others (like a significant other) to affect her feelings and emotions, and depends on them for happiness, etc. This is giving complete control to others over a woman’s own emotions. This is unhealthy and can negatively impact self-esteem since self-esteem is dependent on others. This is different from having a balanced relationship, where two people have interdependence and allow other to affect them only slightly emotionally. According to one relationship site, it is impossible to love others and not give them some control, but there needs to be a balance.
Mental Health America, a nonprofit association, defines co-dependency as “an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship.”

Co-dependency as a broad definition is “dependence on the needs of or control by another,” according to Merriam-Webster. However, in the psychological sense, it is “a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition.”

Emotional dependency can also be found in people with dependent personality disorder, “a long-term (chronic) condition in which people depend too much on others to meet their emotional and physical needs,” according to Medline Plus, a service of the National Institutes of Health.




Relationship Destroyers – About Intimate and/or Sexual Relationships:

We think about sex, infidelity, money, and lots of other things when we talk about relationship destroyers.  We also put the blame on mental cruelty and other abusive relationships.  Have we ever gone deep down into the mire of mixed emotions?

This Blog will be to the point about the major human condition that is likely to rule our personal world and predispose us for an imbalance in life.  I’m referring to suffering. Some of you might be thinking “enough said”, Dr. Grenci, ’cause I know all about suffering.  And I’ll agree with you, that you do.  We all do.  If you haven’t, I’m going to think you do not belong to our species, so where are you from?

I’m prepared to open a huge can of emotional worms here today. This discussion is not about being negative or trying to upset anyone.  This discussion is purely for the purpose of facing reality…. yes, the mute point underneath and on top of all this is – reality.  I don’t expect everyone to agree with me, or even read this article, but if you are interested in hearing about every fact and facet, every layer, depth, detail, and dimension of relationship destroyers, then you might want to relate to this.  We’re going to dig deeply and thoroughly into the emotion of suffering, so hold onto your hat, here we go.

Most couples go blindly into relationships bound by the new romance/limerence.  Limerence, (for those who aren’t familiar with the term) according to Wikipedia’s definition is: “Limerence (also infatuated love) is a state of mind which results from a romantic attraction to another person and typically includes obsessive thoughts and fantasies and a desire to form or maintain a relationship with the object of love and have one’s feelings reciprocated.”

Entering into relationships is new and exciting for most people, but I feel everyone should know about all the factors that can lead a relationship into disaster after the newness wears off.  So today, I’m going to elaborate on the dynamics and reality of human suffering.  Everyone has experienced it in one or many ways.

Suffering is all about emotional pain, and below is a list of the emotional pains we endure during a relationship (or not), some of them singly and others collectively:
Anxiety, depression, jealousy, envy, humiliation/embarrassment, fear, anticipation, worry, sorrow, grief, loss, anger, abuse, rejection, loneliness, hatred, self-loathing, also, all emotions involved with physical pain.
You may have guessed by now where this is going.  If not, I will explain. Romantic or love relationships are extremely difficult, hell, ALL relationships are a pain in the ass at times, because we’re all human.  We are humans with raw emotions to deal with, with each other and that’s difficult enough in and of itself, but that’s not the heaviest burden of it.

As I see it, our lives and relationships embrace a balancing act, trying to stay balanced on a tightrope of sorts.  We have the constant chore and conflict in which to balance out our emotions to stay sane, level headed, positive and inspired in order to be mentally healthy and productive – for starters.  Let’s dig a little deeper.  Keeping this balance isn’t easy by any means of reality.  This is where humans can lose sight of what’s happening, get caught up in a fragmentation before they realize it, or lose their way completely.

For example, let’s pretend our personal psyche is like an onion.  Let’s imagine our emotions are the multi-layers of skin on an onion, and each of those layers of skin represent one of the following emotions of the 16 Dynamics of Suffering: anxiety, depression, jealousy, envy, humiliation/embarrassment, fear, anticipation, worry, sorrow/grief, loss, anger, abuse, rejection, loneliness, hatred, self-loathing, all emotions involved with physical pain.  Let’s start peeling away the layers of skin on that onion. Are you still with me? Okay then, during a relationship, how many of the above emotions have you had to deal with both voluntarily or involuntarily during a relationship?  How many of those emotions have put pressure on your relationship?  How many of those emotions have caused dissension, arguments or resentment?  How many of those emotions either with you OR your partner, or both of you, have been responsible for a break-up or a divorce?  How many of you have experienced a love-hate relationship?

Now, let’s take a look at that whole picture.  Look at all of the human emotions we have to deal with while trying to maintain a well-balanced relationship! That being said, the other dynamics and reality of emotions concerning human relationships are love, sex, pleasure, romance, happiness, health, and fun/excitement.  Let’s call the center of the onion, the positive and essential core of life which embraces: love, sex, pleasure, romance, happiness, health, and fun/excitement.

It’s safe to say we are forced to deal with trying to balance the negative with the positive, some of the 16 Dynamics of Suffering – with the 7 Positive Dynamics of Relationships: love, sex, pleasure, romance, happiness, health, and fun/excitement.

This is a huge problem, people. Suffering on any or every level is a problem. I’m using suffering as the umbrella term to include all the emotional pains.

Suffering appears to be at constant war and conflict with the few delightful emotions we possess.  Consequently, in many relationships, the human condition of “suffering”, for whatever reason(s), outweighs, and wins over the love and happiness features.  It’s sometimes a frightful and disturbing contest of emotions.  It appears in most circumstances that the odds (of emotional suffering) are stacked against us before we embark on a new relationship.

This is just one perspective, my perspective of why it’s difficult to maintain a successful relationship and how the emotions involving “suffering” can be relationship destroyers. I welcome all your opinions.
(to be continued in Part 8)